You would have thought something was strange from the start, with asking you to bring a brooch and pretending not to know anything. And then, when you started to be whipped without any reason, you would have definitely thought that something was seriously wrong. Looking at Nox’s sweaty grayish blond hair, you could not even meet his eyes.
“I thought it would be nice if you left the mansion,” Nox said, looking at you.
Khalid kept his mouth shut, his blue eyes widening.
“I also need to find a good place and get engaged soon,” Nox tilted his head. As if he was relaxed, as if nothing happened. He tried to maintain his composure.
“Khalid, do you love me?” Nox said, throwing the cruellest words.
“That’s your fault,” Khalid, the young boy, couldn’t say anything. His mind froze as if he couldn’t say anything due to the voice saying that his heart itself is wrong.
“Expressing your love for me with your whole body is your fault.”
“Sir…”
Khalid’s voice barely came out, drenched in sweat and blood. And Nox’s cruel words. Khalid felt dizzy. He even thought of fainting. It must be a dream. Until just a moment ago, he thought there was no way that the Duke, who had been so gentle to him, would suddenly disappear like this.
Khalid stood up, holding the bed with one arm. Nox, seeing that sight, pushed Khalid’s hand away.
“It would be nice if you could leave the mansion as soon as you can move,” Nox said.
“Are you serious?”
“I am. Can’t you understand my intentions, even with my mother’s involvement?”
Nox raised the corner of his mouth. The muscles around his mouth seemed to be convulsing, but he managed to keep it up. He just hoped it would look like a smile. Khalid stood up. His body covered in blood.
Nox thought that Khalid would get angry at him. How could he betray him like this? He thought Khalid would curse at him and express his anger. But.
Thud.
It was the opposite. Khalid knelt in front of the chair where Nox was sitting. Nox’s eyes widened.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Khalid held on to Nox’s pant leg.
“I won’t show any signs again.”
And he begged, tears streaming down. Just like when he begged to stay in this mansion in front of Ogha.
“I’ll do my best not to attract your attention.”
The child let go of Nox’s pant leg and clasped his hands together. Wide, blue eyes. Both hands gathered to atone for something that wasn’t his fault. Everything made Nox feel like he was going crazy.
“Please let me stay in this mansion.”
Nox couldn’t make a sound. Only his lips moved. He thought Khalid would get angry at him, express his anger. But that was just his delusion that he didn’t love Khalid enough. Khalid’s love was already far bigger than what Nox had imagined. He didn’t plan on raising it like this. He didn’t know it would grow like this. No, he didn’t know it was growing.
“…Khalid.”
“Yes, yes. My Lord…”
Nox tried his best to maintain a smile. It felt as if his stomach was rotting. Each word he spat out felt like he was cutting both Khalid and himself. But Nox said his final words with a bitter taste in his mouth.
“You’re not someone who can love me.”
Khalid stopped breathing.
“Don’t think you can love me.”
With a snap, Khalid’s hand dropped.
“You’re dismissed.”
Nox slowly stood up from his seat. And turned his body as if there was nothing left to see.
“I have to go to the Knight Order training. I hope you leave before I come back.”
Khalid didn’t say a word. Nox tightly held the hands that Khalid couldn’t see. The trembling wouldn’t stop.
“Take care.”
To cruelly kick him away and wish him well, it was contradictory.
“You’re beautiful, so you can live well no matter where you go.”
Nox thought it would become what he resents and the power that can make him hate himself.
Nox left the room without looking back. With a thump and the sound of the door closing, darkness came as if cutting off the relationship between Nox and Khalid. The hallway seemed darker than usual today. Nox stood in that spot for a while and looked up at the ceiling. His eyes were burning. But he knew better than anyone that he didn’t have the right to cry.
“My Lord…”
Maeta, who was waiting outside, called him softly. Nox started walking slowly in the hallway. Maeta followed him, the place where Khalid should have followed.
“Find a place where Khalid can receive treatment. Write a recommendation and provide him with a place to stay and money for his living expenses.”
“Understood.”
“And don’t let him know that I did all of this.”
Maeta paused at those words. Her face distorted with sadness.
“But then…”
Nox knew Maeta knew his feelings and he nodded.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Even if that child grows up hating me to death, it doesn’t matter. Maeta responded to Nox’s thoughts with silence.
Nox stood in the corridor for a long time. So that the child could heal enough wounds. So that he could blame himself enough. And so that he could leave completely.
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