This is complete chapter 48(including previous parts), I forget where I ended the last part, as korean and english different can’t use crtl + f, so enjoy full chapter,
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#48
“Ah, how foolish.”
I regret it.
I was so deeply engrossed…
I shouldn’t have given away my memories, my eyes, everything about Kwon Jae-jin… I shouldn’t have given away anything…
I shouldn’t have allowed anything. I just should’ve done that…
My heart breaks with hatred and resentment toward Seo Eui-woo. The deeper he unintentionally got into my heart, the more it torments me. No, it’s a thousand times more painful. Now, it’s even more excruciating than when I was torn to pieces in every direction when Kwon Jae-jin got caught in the gate and died.
If Kwon Jae-jin sheds tears now, it would be tears of blood, and if he sobs, he would cough up blood.
Even if my entire body were shattered into pieces, my flesh eaten by swarms of centipedes and maggots, my skin flayed and burnt by fire, it would be better than now.
“Jae-jin, aren’t you hungry? Shall I make something for you?”
Seo Eui-woo’s whisper came from beside Kwon Jae-jin, who was holed up in the bedroom.
Kwon Jae-jin lay there blankly, covering his head with a white blanket, as if he couldn’t hear anything. Seo Eui-woo narrowed his long eyes and reached out to gently lift the edge of the blanket.
“You need to eat. You like eating, don’t you, Jae-jin?”
Seo Eui-woo treated Kwon Jae-jin as if he were a wild animal wounded and hiding in a cave. Carefully, so as not to startle him, he pulled the blanket a bit more, meeting Kwon Jae-jin’s glaring eyes.
His wide-open eyes were bloodshot, filled with rage.
“No, thank you. I’m not eating.”
Jae-jin immediately refused, turning his head away. He didn’t want to make eye contact with Seo Eui-woo. It seemed he couldn’t stand even breathing in the same space as him.
“Then, would you like some water? Should I get you some water?”
Seo Eui-woo brought a glass with his ability. The water looked clear and cool.
“You look thirsty. Your voice is completely cracked.”
“……”
“Don’t want water either? Don’t need it?”
When Kwon Jae-jin didn’t respond, Seo Eui-woo placed the glass on the bedside table. He turned on the lamp, making the room brighter and warmer.
“Hmm… Are you going to sleep like this? It’s only five in the afternoon.”
“……”
“Hey, do you want to go see the sea with me?”
“……”
“I’ll take you there now. Let’s hold hands and go. The sea is blue.”
“……”
“Or there’s a canyon in the mountains here. It’s private property, so no one can come. Do you want to go with me?”
“……”
“Jae-jin.”
“……”
“……Jae-jin.”
“……”
“Stop this and look at me, okay?”
Seo Eui-woo slid his hand inside the blanket. His eyes had been distant for a long time. Deep desire and a rooted longing twisted strangely, shining dangerously.
He tried hard to control the corners of his eyes that were about to twist coldly and smiled gently, touching the back of Kwon Jae-jin’s neck as he curled up.
“You wanted this, Jae-jin.”
Seo Eui-woo’s fingers lovingly and chillingly grazed the back of his neck.
“You asked me to trust you. That’s why I said it.”
“……Don’t.”
“If I wanted to hide, I could have hidden it too. No matter how many holes were in Kwon Jae-jin’s head, I could have ignored them. But I didn’t.”
“……Mr. Seo Eui-woo, please remove your hand.”
“I didn’t hide anything and told you everything honestly. I opened up because I wanted to trust you. Because I thought it would be better for us…”
“……”
“It’s still the same now. I’m not doing anything to you now. But why do you avoid me like this? Do you hate me now?”
Seo Eui-woo calmly tickled the back of his neck.
Slowly tracing the skin along the neck line with his fingers, he felt the rapidly pulsing carotid artery. He could feel Kwon Jae-jin’s pulse.
“Why are you doing this to me, Jae-jin?”
“I told you to stop…”
“Why do you keep doing this to me?”
“Ha… Just, please. Leave me alone. Or do I really have to say it myself for you to understand?”
Kwon Jae-jin threw off the blanket and sat up. He sharply slapped away the annoying hand clinging to his neck.
“Get out. And I hope you don’t show up in front of me for a while.”
Seo Eui-woo’s expression darkened slightly at the decisiveness of his push.
“Get out?”
“Yes.”
“How long is ‘a while’? How long?”
“I don’t know. Just go.”
“Jae-jin.”
“Ah, get out, get out!”
Seo Eui-woo’s soft smile collapsed dangerously as he clenched his teeth. His thick eyebrows furrowed fiercely, and his wild eyes flashed with a cold wind.
He bit his teeth ruthlessly and growled.
“Do I have to apologize to you, Jae-jin?”
His deep gray eyes raged violently.
“It’s true I once tried to erase your memory. I can’t deny I had that impulse.”
“Seo Eui-woo…”
“Back then, I wanted you that way, and I didn’t think it was wrong. Every awakened person lives by erasing memories, and that’s how they can fight, protect themselves, their comrades, and humanity.”
He spoke savagely, as if he couldn’t hold back any longer.
Not pretending to be okay, not suppressing it, as if he couldn’t endure it.
Exactly as it was.
“I just wanted you to forget the past and be with me like I was. But still, I didn’t erase it.”
“……”
“I didn’t touch any of Kwon Jae-jin’s memories!”
“……”
“Now I know. If I could go back to the past like you, Jae-jin, I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t drill holes in your head. If it’s something of yours, I’d want to know everything. Really, I would. I didn’t mess with your memories. I didn’t tear them out. So if you treat me like this, it’s… a bit unfair.”
Seo Eui-woo reached out his arm. If Kwon Jae-jin tried to push it away, he could, as he came slowly without applying force.
As always, he wrapped his arms around Kwon Jae-jin’s waist and buried his handsome face in his neck. He felt the high bridge of his nose rubbing against him.
“We were really good together. You and I, we were really… good. I’m sorry. I’ll apologize. For trying to erase your memory, back then, I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“……”
“I didn’t consider your feelings at all. I only thought about myself. I won’t do that again. Okay?”
Seo Eui-woo deeply kissed the hollow of his collarbone. The warmth and familiarity of his body temperature felt natural. He kissed Kwon Jae-jin’s chin, his cheeks, and his lips.
Accepting his desperate and affectionate clinging, Kwon Jae-jin felt both absurd and hollow.
Seo Eui-woo…
This Seo Eui-woo is so…
Ha… It’s so ridiculous…
“Then.”
Kwon Jae-jin’s painful voice came out like he was spitting fire from his throat. His dry, cracked voice was as unyielding as iron.
“Return my memories.”
Even while apologizing, promising not to do it again, Seo Eui-woo never mentioned returning Kwon Jae-jin’s lost memories. That was so typical of Seo Eui-woo. This bastard… to the end.
“My family, who they are, what their faces look like, their names, my childhood! Return it all to its original state with your great ability.”
Kwon Jae-jin shouted with rage.
“Yes, I admit it. We had good times, Seo Eui-woo and I. It was fun! Clinging to each other, shoving and sucking, melting like fools, endlessly… If you want to continue living with me like that, return my memories.”
It felt like blood was boiling upside down.
In the second timeline, as Seo Eui-woo said, this Seo Eui-woo did not erase Kwon Jae-jin’s memories. The direct culprit was the Seo Eui-woo from the first timeline, who could never be met again. However, that didn’t mean the Seo Eui-woo from the second timeline was free from blame.
This bastard had the same roots.
The thought of erasing Kwon Jae-jin’s memories but never the thought of restoring them. That was what made him equally detestable, whether it was the Seo Eui-woo from the first timeline or the second.
Was it because Kwon Jae-jin would be harder to handle if he remembered the past?
Because it would no longer be easy to confine and suppress him?
Afraid he might want to return to the 6th residential district?
“Mr. Seo Eui-woo can do anything, right? If you interfered with my brain waves to make me forget, then interfere again to make me remember. Come on, do it! Do it now!”
Kwon Jae-jin forcibly grabbed Seo Eui-woo’s wrist and pulled him close, pressing his hand against his forehead and banging his head.
Seo Eui-
woo closed his eyes awkwardly.
“Jae-jin, that’s difficult.”
